The Poopie List

Ghost Poopie : The kind where you feel the Poopie come out, but there's no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie : The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie : The kind where you wipe your butt fifty times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't runie them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie : The kind that happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize you have to poopie some more.

Turtle Poopie : The kind of poopie that pops out a little and goes back in a few times before it finallly comes out

Pop-a-Vein-in-your-Forehead-Poopie : The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Lincoln Log Poopie : The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the plunger.

Gas-sy Poopie : The kind where it's so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling!

Corn Poopie : (Self explanatory)

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poop Poopie : The kind where you want to Poopie, but all you do is it on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie : That's the kind when it hurts so badly coming out, you swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump) : The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get spashed with water.

Liquid Poopie : The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots you of your butt and spashes all over the toilet bowl.

Mexican Poopie : The kind that smells so bad your nose burns.

Upper Class Poopie : The kind of Poopie that doesn't smell.

The Suprise Poopie : You are not even at the toilet, because you are sure you are about to fart, but, OOPS---a Poopie!

The Dangling Poopie : This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done poopie-ing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

I got this off of bathroomjokes.com

Shocker Collar

Jag has been staying in the yard a lot better since we installed the invisible fence and placed this shocker collar on him.

Grumpy

Grumpy!!!

Over the years I have started to collect Grumpy hats,t-shirts, and sweat shirts. Some how, about a year ago, I acquired this magnetic Grumpy on my truck. A Grumpy hat many years ago started all of this. Does anyone remember the story behind the first Grumpy hat?

Declaring myself as a Democrat

Any one who knows me knows that I make Rush Limbaugh look like a liberal, and am proud of it. :) I will tell you right now I am not real fond of any of the politicians in office or trying to get there.

The other night I was talking to a wise individual who pointed out that they were considering declaring their self as a Democrat so they could vote in the preliminaries. What a great idea!! I could have a say in the opposing sides nominee. :)

Bovine Lactation Consultant

A few years ago while at Disney during Christmas, we decided to go to a Christmas Dinner. My mom and dad, Chandra and myself attended the dinner. Imagine how thrilled I was to find out we were sitting at tables that sat 10 people. So that meant we had to hold a conversation and be cordial with 6 total strangers, neither of which I am good at doing. We did the polite thing and introduced ourselves, which is where I was hoping it was going to end but like usual someone asked another what they did for a living and now we all had to share. Nobody ever seems to know what a farrier is and if you say horseshoer someone always asks horrified "you shoot horses?" No!! I SHOE horses. For some reason this just drives me nuts anymore. Mainly because I know how the entire conversation is going to go but I can't seem to stop it. After an evening of strangers sharing their complete life story with me and acting like I know their aunt Ruth, who you know has gout real bad, I started thinking of funny occupations I could tell people I did if I was ever in a situation like this again. The one I think I liked best was Bovine Lactation Consultant. This job is about the lactation needs of cows. Proper grip of the utter, proper stroke technique, and basically anything we can do to make the cow happier with it's lactation experience. I know it is odd but it is the only way I can make it through situations like this.

Jag is in Kindergarten

Jaguar started kindergarten this year!! One day not long after the start of school the principal seen Chandra in the hall and informed her that Jag was a lot different than his sister. Chandra's response was we warned you. :) He has been doing really well. He has been in trouble a few times. He has had to stand against the wall during recess for throwing rocks. He has had to run extra laps in gym twice. Once for not being able to hold still and another time because he kept slipping and falling because the gym floor was so slick. The other day he could not quit laughing during nap time and he had to sit at his desk.

Jag has definitely changed my life. If Lexi would have done this a few years ago when she started kindergarten I would have been devastated. I would have thought me and Chandra were the worst parents ever. I would have considered going to counseling or parenting classes. Now it just makes me smile. Jaguar definitely has his own personality but I wouldn't have him any other way.

I wish I had known that side of him

My Uncle Ray passed away last week. I was a little sad to hear from some of the family that attended the funeral that they had seen a different side of Ray through other peoples eyes and they had wished that they had known that side of him. I did not know him at all. I had only seen him 2-3 times in the last 20 years. So I can't really say I knew any side of him. Well that is not entirely true I knew a side of him through my families eyes, which obviously wasn't the entire story of Ray's life.

Does anyone really know the real me? Probably the closest one to get the entire me is Chandra. (Poor Chandra) I do believe to some extent I am different with different people. I am a son, husband , father, brother, uncle, friend, and employee. I realize that I am self-employed but that just means I have hundreds of bosses. I think with each of these titles I bring a little something different to the relationship. I don't even believe that I am the same father to my daughters as I am to my son. I let some of my customers treat me in ways that I wouldn't dare let my family treat me and I treat my family in ways that I wouldn't dare treat a customer like. Now that seems backwards to me. Some people tend to bring the best parts of me out while others tend to bring the worst of me out. I hate the person that I am, with the people that bring out the worst of me and I try to avoid them.

Does my family know who I am now or do they just remember the little boy that wouldn't pick up his coat. :) Does my sister remember the way I was growing up or does she know who I am now? Do earlier memories taint the way you think of a person forever? I don't know that you can ever really get to know the entire person and you have to appreciate the parts they share with you.

So you had better enjoy the side of me that I share with you through this blog. It is as good as it gets.